






I bet you told her all your trees were Sequoias

From where I sat it looked as though you were conjugating some irregular verbs

They all start out as Juliets and wind up as Lady Macbeths



If I were a salad I know I’d be splashing my dressing




You choke the chicken before any big date don’t you?

You want a leg or a breast ?

I was just nibbling on something






Oh my God he doesn’t flog the dolphin before a big date!

Tell me you spank the monkey before any big date.

Are you crazy? That’s like going out there with a loaded gun!


I bet you’re no shrimp in the cock department

Holy shit! I’ve been going out with a loaded gun.

Alright I think you’re all set. So just go clean the pipes and lets go.



A wife isn’t like a car, you just don’t trade her in after a year for the latest model

A woman is a hole, isn’t that what they say? All the futility of the world pouring into her.

Altar Keane : Vern, when you come to a fenced range, do you always try to climb over it?

Vern Haskell : I always see if the gates open, first.


As serious as a heart attack









It depends on the way we handle it. It’s like a dame


